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Do you ever look at those people who sit alone in a bar, restaurant or cafe and wonder, why are you on your own? Isn’t that boring?

Maybe you’re someone who struggles even at the thought of being alone, perhaps you make a conscious effort to always be doing something in your spare time, which most of us do of course, but are you doing it because you want to or because you don’t enjoy your own company?

You might feel bored when you’re alone and struggle to comprehend why people would optionally do this! Now don’t get me wrong, it can vary between introverts and extroverts. Incase you wasn’t aware, the science of introvert versus extrovert comes down to the dopamine in our system, introverts product high amounts of dopamine and therefore do not need others to raise their dopamine levels, whereas extrovert people have lower levels of dopamine and therefore need social interaction to raise it.

However, you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone regardless, you might be extroverted and around the wrong people, being alone might actually be more enjoyable and raise your dopamine levels even more than being surrounded by people whos company you don’t love to be in.

So let me help you out with how to fall in love with your own company,

  • You need to know what you enjoy doing to pass the time

Right now, when you’re alone you might watch tv, scroll, and not much else so it’s no wonder that that becomes quite boring for you as it's repetitive. So when the decision comes to be alone doing non-stimulating things vs seeing people and interacting, it’s quite easy to go with the latter then assume that your company is the problem, and it isn’t!

  • Establish what your hobbies are, don’t do them because you think others should.

For me, I love to read, both fiction and non-fiction, but non fiction really gets my brain going and thinking, so having good fiction books really allows me to switch my brain off and just immerse myself in a story. Perhaps you love reading too but never have the time to do it because you’re always saying yes to plans. Why not read my favourite book blogs for some inspiration for your next read! Try it out, see if that’s your thing, but it might not be!

You might love to cook, bake, take long walks with your dog, exercise, try new recipes, take yourself out for brunch, renovating your house, whatever it is, you just need to figure out what that thing is.

  • Think about your hobbies, can you fill your time there, do you have any hobbies you love but you haven’t got much time to do them or you’d like to take them further - can you fill your time with this?

  • Be intentional - watching Netflix isn’t forbidden but be intentional, source your favourite shows, and have them ready to watch, this isn’t me telling you to turn down your plans to watch netflix, but it just allows you to start practicing the art of spending time alone and filling it with enjoyable things

  • Push yourself to spend more time alone, perhaps put yourself in situations you wouldn’t usually like going and sitting in a cafe with a coffee

  • Plan out in your diary once per week where you have some interrupted time to yourself, initially you might find it hard and think “so what do I do now” - so make sure you try to plan a couple of things for that time such as reading / cooking / exercise - whatever it may be. Put it in the diary as a non-negotiable, and over time you’ll learn to realise that your own company is really enjoyable as you get the time and space to do things you enjoy and that make you happy

Lastly, time alone can be incredibly for giving yourself the time and space to process your thoughts and emotions. Time alone can be pivotal for your self development journey and I highly recommend it. What happens when we fall in love with our own company is we do not need others to fill that void within us and then we are able to pick and choose how we choose to spend our time and who with. If we are continually surrounded by others, it’s likely that their thoughts become ours and we can start to adopt self-abandonment whereby we dismiss the things we like and feel for what others want to do/think.

Reminder: You are not boring / weird / difficult if you spend or want to spend time alone. It is a form of self care, don’t allow others who are dependent on you to take this away from you.




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